Veni Vidi Vici Vegas
I'ts been six weeks since I flew back from Las Vegas, yet still the feeling of overwhelming desperation pervades the cluttered mind of the writer. You might recall that I didn't enjoy my visit to LV. What with the nefarious goings-on in the MGM Grand and all, I almost completely forgot to fill you in on the other aspects of the city, which - all in all - nearly overshadowed the original purpose of the visit - work.
The first thing that occurred to me as I strolled past the famously huge MGM Lion outside of the hotel, was how many touts there are. Hawkers, selling everything from cut-price tickets for the adult peep-shows, to balcony seats for Penn & Teller. Every tout has a particular pitch, but they all had one thing in common at least, the 'Tout-Slap'. This is not some kind of free-for-all for the Anti-tout Vigilantes, but in fact the phrase describes the sound made when a tout slaps his wad of printed invitations into the palm of his hand to attract your attention as you walk past his chosen spot. It's very disconcerting. It makes you jump and look around - which is exactly what the tout wants you to do - then he's got your attention, and starts his pitch.
Another thing I learnt very quickly to avoid was walking into the nearest drugstore, and asking the teenage shop assistant whether the store sold fags. I think she giggled for about forty seconds, which is an awfully long time for the rest of the customers in the queue behind you to wonder what exactly you asked her for. "Did you mean cigarettes?" she managed to croak behind the tears of laughter. At which point I remembered that the word 'Fag' in the USA is roughly equivalent in meaning as when it is used by Dons to describe submissive Under-Graduates at Oxford and Cambridge.
The LVPD, lovingly referred to by most Las Vegans as the Elvis Blues, have their own amazing method of beating traffic queues in LV - they use the two-wheeled wonders known as Segways. Segways were made infamous recently by George W. Bush, when he stood on one to try it out, only to fall flat on his Texan Hide because he had not worked out that you must switch it on for the gyroscopes to balance before mounting.
The first thing that occurred to me as I strolled past the famously huge MGM Lion outside of the hotel, was how many touts there are. Hawkers, selling everything from cut-price tickets for the adult peep-shows, to balcony seats for Penn & Teller. Every tout has a particular pitch, but they all had one thing in common at least, the 'Tout-Slap'. This is not some kind of free-for-all for the Anti-tout Vigilantes, but in fact the phrase describes the sound made when a tout slaps his wad of printed invitations into the palm of his hand to attract your attention as you walk past his chosen spot. It's very disconcerting. It makes you jump and look around - which is exactly what the tout wants you to do - then he's got your attention, and starts his pitch.
Another thing I learnt very quickly to avoid was walking into the nearest drugstore, and asking the teenage shop assistant whether the store sold fags. I think she giggled for about forty seconds, which is an awfully long time for the rest of the customers in the queue behind you to wonder what exactly you asked her for. "Did you mean cigarettes?" she managed to croak behind the tears of laughter. At which point I remembered that the word 'Fag' in the USA is roughly equivalent in meaning as when it is used by Dons to describe submissive Under-Graduates at Oxford and Cambridge.
The LVPD, lovingly referred to by most Las Vegans as the Elvis Blues, have their own amazing method of beating traffic queues in LV - they use the two-wheeled wonders known as Segways. Segways were made infamous recently by George W. Bush, when he stood on one to try it out, only to fall flat on his Texan Hide because he had not worked out that you must switch it on for the gyroscopes to balance before mounting.
posted by therussian | 11/26/2004 09:09:00 PM
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