Vauxhall Viva Vegas

One of the saddest things about attending any kind of conference or seminar in the US is watching how the Americans conduct themselves at such events. Not all of them it's true - that would be far too much of a generalisation, but the majority, certainly.
 
If you have never attended a large conference in the US before, there are some facts you need to know.  You, as an attendee, are handed a formal ID badge with your name, company, and country of origin writ large upon it. This ID card is usually lodged within a clear plastic wallet, several times the size of the card, and hung about your neck. Also attached to the card are a series of ribbon-like tabs, announcing that you are also a VIP (purple ribbon) or perhaps a Reference Partner (yellow ribbon) or maybe even a member of a User Group or Council (Green ribbon). In fact, the more closely your company is tied into the conference, the more ribbons you end up with. And you really do need some of those ribbons, so you can gain access to special areas of the conference.
 
Americans delight in this nonsense. Not even the first morning of conference had been completed before I was being approached by the Burberry Army offering to swap my yellow ribbon for a purple, or being offered some piece of marketing tat for my badge at the end of the conference. Leg it. Quick.
 
There is worse to come, because not only do you get these infernal cards and tags, you also get given a specially made enamel badge, with your national flag emblazoned upon it. This is to enable you to take part in the 'Pin Swapping' competition that runs for the length of the conference, and Americans in general are fanatical, nay, evangelical about pin swapping. If you ever want to acquaint yourself with all the saddo's, wierdo's and freako's of US Conference Culture, simply attach your Union Jack badge to your lapel, stand in the corridor, and wait.
 
Bluebottles around a freshly-laid turd are no competition.