Lies, Damn Lies, and Photos

Given some lovely photos by Mother Russia last week.

Piccies of yours truly, aged about 9, in a school group.

I didn't realise quite how uncool I was.

Even amongst the flares and pudding bowl haircuts, I'm the uncool one.

My hair is shaped like a large afro, but with a slice like a piece of melon taken out.




Oh dear.

That's one for the bottom draw.

Sergei

Leaving Traces

Your Boss is off, and he asks you to conduct a meeting with Software Consultants, using his office as the location.

Good idea - you can make use of the gigantic whiteboard, the overhead projector, the electrically operated blackout blinds and all the other super-dooper trinkets of higher officialdom that come with promotion.

So.

While you are waiting for your guests, what does one do?

Play of course.

Up, down, in, out, on, off.

"I didn't get where I am today by playing with executive gadgets Perrin"

The best gadget of all, though, is the filter coffee maker, nicely filling the office with the aroma of fresh grounds.

And when I knock it over, drowning my Boss's desk, his leather blotter, his remote controls for the blinds and projector, his laptop bag and his brand new carpet, I reckon that aroma of fresh grounds is going to last a whole lot longer than I want it to.

He's not back until Monday, so I live in hope.

Sergei

Laughed? I nearly Cried...

Sitting at the dinner table this evening, Mrs. Sergei and I ask Ivanovitch Jr about his day at school.

"Fine" comes the reply.

"Any more detail?"

"Well, our teacher asked us to find out whether we have anything 'Bombproof' at home, and write about it for homework."

Thinking quickly, and with my usual wit, I answer "What about Mummy and Daddy's marriage? That's bombproof."

"Naaahhh...I mean something that works "

Scraping ourselves off the floor, Mrs. Sergei and I can't explain to him exactly what was so funny about what he said.

You had to be there.

Sergei

Showing The Sensitive Side

I can identify soooo strongly with this one... 

Mail Menopause?

I see my plan for world domination is progressing nicely.

Have you all received my mails about cheap Canadian Viagra?

You haven't tried it yet? Mature, yet crumbly. Strong, yet slightly rubbery. And is that just the merest bouquet of Moose?

And that's just my customers.

Sergei

Butterfly Mind

Hey - I've got one of those.

Just to keep it fresh, I pickled it last night in red, red, red wine.

Ouch.

It's a butterfly mind because of all the colours I'm seeing this morning, and the strange sound of beating wings when I tilt it on one side.

Shlergei

They Say The Grass Is Greener Over there...

Well they are liars.

At least, I think they they may be fibbing slightly.

Ok. I don't know.

Mebbe it's me but...when people say "the grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence"...which fence are they on about? Is it my neighbour's fence, to the right of me? Because their grass is definitely not greener than mine. They mow it too short, so it's died over Winter.

The neighbour on the other side has patio'd his garden to death. Nary a stem or shoot dares poke it's pretty head over the side of a slab, lest it's murdered in cold blood with sodium phosphate.

So what's it all about, Sergei? I never actually peek over the 'fence' as it were, because I think that my 'grass' is better than anyone elses. Lawn, that is. Sorry Officer.

I just somehow feel that whatever everyone else is doing, I'd rather be exactly where I am right now.

At least, I think I would. But I don't know, because I don't know what they are doing. Who are they anyway? And why do they allegedly have greener grass than me? What are they doing to that grass? Why are they gardening at all? They must have better things to do with their lives. I bet they all have better sex lives than me. They certainly have nicer cars. Nicer suits. More money. Posher accents. Richer in-laws. Cleaner wheelie-bins. Smarter haircuts. I hate them - their lives must be immeasureably more satisfying, rewarding and fulfilling than mine.

But my grass is truly, definitely, actually and positively greener than anyone elses.

Groovy.